sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
Aah!
How's it going? Is my chili cheese dog ready?
Brent? Is that you?
Pretty cool, hey? I can tell you're impressed.
Can you see me?
Yeah, there's a small camera on the front of the drone.
- Plus I'm over here. - Well, then what are you doing?
It's called technology, Lacey. Get with the times.
My days of hunting food like a Neanderthal are over.
Now I can just send my drone to pick up food for me.
But you're still over here operating it.
Well, I wanted to see the look on your face.
But the drone has a camera on it.
Right, well, anyway, just put the chili cheese dog in the basket.
- My hands are full. - Your hands wouldn't be full
if you weren't controlling a drone.
You know, you can pick holes in anything
if you try hard enough.
Hmm. Looks like I might have to get a bigger drone.
- Or start eating lighter. - Yup, bigger drone.
♪ You think there's not a lot going on ♪
♪ Look closer, baby you're so wrong ♪
2x02 - Drone and Dumber
So, annual turkey shoot's coming up.
You going to enter and embarrass yourself again?
- I didn't embarrass myself. - You should've seen Karen last year.
Everyone put their money on her to win the turkey shoot,
because she was supposed to be this fantastic shot,
- and then she totally choked. - I didn't choke.
Everyone lost their money, and they were mad at her for weeks.
It was a very enjoyable time for some of us.
You shouldn't tease Karen like that, Davis.
She's your partner,
and she can't help it if she's not a good shot.
- I'm a fantastic shot. - See, that's the attitude!
Who cares if you can handle pressure or not?
It had nothing to do with pressure.
Why yell at me? I'm the one being nice to you.
Doesn't matter anyway. Brent won it last year.
That's where I'm putting my money this year.
That's it. You. Me. Gun range.
Now.
Whoa!
- We own a drone? - "We" don't own a drone.
- We're leasing it? - There is no "we" in the drone scenario.
I own a drone. Alone.
What are you gonna do with it?
What aren't I gonna do with it? I'm gonna...
there's... like, if someone pulls up to the pumps,
I can just send out the drone to see what they want.
If they're at the pumps, they probably want gas.
Well... there's a million uses for a drone.
I just, I can't think of any at the moment because my brain is still at
the "holy crap, I own a drone" phase.
- Let me have a turn. - Forget it.
Every time I let you use something of mine,
- it gets wrecked. - As if.
♪ I got a friend you know he's the best ♪
♪ He's way better than all the rest ♪
♪ Yeah, I got a best friend and he's the one ♪
♪ You can't stop us from havin' fun... ♪
Like it's my fault the circus was in town.
This "turkey shoot" thing sounds brutal.
Doesn't seem fair to cluster a bunch of helpless
turkeys together and start taking pot shots at them.
- That's not what it is. - Oh. Good.
Someone flings a turkey into the air,
- and everyone shoots at it. - Oh, my God!
She's making that up.
It's just a target shooting competition.
They call it a turkey shoot because whoever gets
the closest to the bullseye wins a frozen turkey.
Well, that sounds a bit more humane.
What are the lunch specials today?
Oh. We have a shaved turkey clubhouse...
Ooh, I feel a bit bad about that now.
Oh, don't feel bad for turkeys. They are literally
the stupidest animal walking the planet,
- and I live with Oscar. - Actually, turkeys are very bright,
and have been shown to possess significant problem solving abilities.
That's a significant load of crap.
- What's the soup? - Turkey barley.
What's for dessert, turkey buster parfait?
Okay, I've got these tin cans set up for me to shoot,
and I've got this can for you to miss.
Wait till I get 20 or 30 yards away,
- so you don't hit me by mistake. - Might not be a mistake.
Whoa! You're like Butch Cassidy, or Sundance Cassidy.
Whichever one of the Cassidy brothers was good at shooting.
It was Sundance, and yeah, I am,
- and also, they weren't brothers. - But if you're such a good shot,
how come you did so poorly last year?
Figure it out. Was there anything that
happened this past year that might improve my aim?
You vacationed in Mexico, you bought new rollerblades,
you got that secret laser eye surgery
I wasn't allowed to tell anyone about,
you painted your garage, you got a new barbecue.
Why are you still listing things after "laser eye surgery"?
- And here we are. - And why are we here?
To prove my point. Turkeys aren't as dumb as you think.
- We're still on the turkey thing? - Pick any turkey in there,
and in 24 hours, I'll have it doing tricks
and dancing the merengue. Go ahead.
That one.
- Yikes. - That's my guy.
Never saw a bird burp before.
- It's just science. - Fine.
Hey, Kirk! How much for this turkey?
The one that's trying to eat its own foot!
That is easily, by far, the coolest thing you've ever owned.
Yeah, well, you said that about my electric can opener, too.
Your electric can opener couldn't fly.
Although it did have that magnetic thingy
that held the lid once the can was open...
But no! This is even cooler!
Let me try. Please? Please, please?
- Please, please, please? - Three more "pleases."
- Please, please, please. - No.
What the hell is that?!
Okay, I've set up a series of problem-solving steps,
which, if done in order,
will result in food dropping into a bowl
- for Einstein to eat. - You've named the turkey Einstein?
I'm building his confidence.
- Better hurry up before he drowns. - Einstein!
You okay, Dad? You look a little frazzled.
I just saw... a UFO, out over that field.
Oh? Tell me all about it.
So, you really are a crack shot,
now that your eyes have been re-aligned.
They weren't re-aligned, they were lasered.
Yeah. Like a... laser level.
How did things go at the shooting range, Karen?
Not that it matters, because everyone fully supports you.
You mean, pities me.
But all that's going to change, because this time...
This time she's gonna miss even worse than last year.
Lucky if she doesn't kill anyone passing by.
Geez, Davis. With partners like you, who needs...
whatever the opposite of partners is.
Why are you still roasting me after you saw how well I can shoot?
Everyone else still thinks you're lousy, so they gamble on Brent.
We gamble on you, and make a killing!
That's not gambling. That's a scam.
Yeah. It's called "scambling."
I mean, I'm not saying it was a real UFO,
but it was dark, and metallic,
and flying, up in the sky.
- Defying Earth's gravity? - Exactly.
You know, I think I saw the same thing.
- You did? - I swear.
I'm sure I laid eyes on the same flying thing you did.
I was just hesitant to say anything to anyone
in case, you know, they thought I was losing my marbles,
but what do you have to lose?
But why would aliens travel umpteen light-years
across whole galaxies just to buzz around this dinky dung heap?
Maybe it's not aliens. Maybe it's the government.
That's worse!
You know how they want to keep tabs on everyone.
- Dirty sons-a... - They're probably here to make sure
no one's cheating on their taxes.
They might come nosing around your new boat.
- What? - Anyone buys a boat,
giant yacht or rubber canoe,
they're automatically on a list. A boat list.
Of all the low-down, conniving...
- Better hide that boat in your garage. - The garage is full of stuff.
Well, I guess you gotta clean it out,
or grab your ankles and get ready for an audit.
Those rotten... bureaucratic baboons...
I think I just found a use for my drone.
I'll go through the steps once more.
- For the tenth time. - Watch closely, Einstein.
Step one, pick up stick.
Step two, poke stick into hole.
That releases marble, which rolls onto trough.
Step three, pick up marble and drop in tray,
to release food.
Step four, Wanda realizes you're too stupid to learn step one,
- and we go home. - Sorry, Emma, but I think he's got it.
Let's find out.
And he's off!
He was smart enough to leave a cage, whoopty-ding.
- He's looking at the stick. - Whoopty... He is?
He's heading for the pole!
- You did that on purpose. - It's dusty out here.
Reset the puzzle, and I'll go calm him down.
Whoa, shh... Don't be scared.
You're a genius.
A beautiful, non-lazy-eyed genius.
I can't find the stick!
Emma! Give me a hand here.
Way to go, Einstein.
She was talking to me!
- Thanks a lot, you stupid bird. - Stupid?
We're the ones locked in the cage.
But it's just a simple loop latch. I'll reach up and...
Ouch! He pecked me.
- Ow! Come on! - Okay, this has gone on long enough.
Ow! Stop doing that!
Hear ye, hear ye! I hereby announce the formation
- of the Dog River Drone Club. - Oh. Sorry, Hank.
I don't have time to be in a club that isn't even a thing.
Oh, but it is. And it's very exclusive.
Just you, me, and... our drones!
- Looks a little wobbly. - One of the propeller blades broke off,
ah, but I glued a popsicle stick on there.
Well, it's not a drone. It's a seven-dollar toy helicopter.
Shows what you know, I paid eight,
and it can do all the things your drone can do.
I doubt that. Mine has a hi-def camera
that I can use to take aerial photos
- and/or give my father nightmares. - Mine has a camera.
It doesn't shoot video,
but I set it to take a photo every ten seconds,
so I'll get a time-lapse aerial of Dog River.
Maybe not aerial, but, uh, it's a start.
Okay, then. Enjoy buzzing the town's various crotches.
Hey, what are you guys talking about?
- What a bad shot Karen is? - No.
Remember how bad she shot last year?
Ha! I've seen some terrible shots in my day,
- but hoo, baby, stink-o-rama! - I guess she wasn't very good.
You said it, worst shot of all time.
- I didn't say... - Yup, smart money's on Brent.
Brent is where I'd bet, if I were a betting man. Hey!
You guys talking about how bad Karen is at shooting?
Stupid government cyber feds
always poking their noses into my junk!
Whoa!
Dad! Is that you?
Brent?
You were right, Dad. It's aliens!
They sucked me up using some kind of a shrink-a-nizing tractor beam!
Oh no! Let him go, you dirty bug-eyed bastards!
That's my boy!
He's of no use to you.
He has no skills or abilities.
He's just a big lazy lump who does nothing!
Yes, well...
He'll eat you out of house and home...
Anyway, I don't know when I'll get out of this mess.
In the meantime, if you see someone around town
who looks like me, it's not me!
It's some kind of robot pod.
Goodbye!
Oh, this is terrible.
I mean, I don't have to hide my boat now, that's good,
but still, this is terrible!
What the hell are you...
Hey! What kind of creepy sicko stunt is that, Hank?
- Get over yourself. - Perv.
- What are you doing, ya perv? - That was your knee!
- I don't see him. - He probably drowned in a puddle.
You got it!
Something's jamming it. No way.
He's using my own stick against me!
The student has become the master.
You can't seriously think he did that on purpose.
Hoo boy, Karen! You sure were a terrible shot
at last year's turkey shoot.
Yup, if last year is anything to go by,
and as far as anyone knows, it is,
I am not good at gun shooting.
I can't watch you beat yourself up like this.
I have faith in you, and to prove it,
- I'm going to bet on you this year. - No, don't!
Uh, I mean, don't waste your money.
Davis is right, I'm a terrible shot.
He has her so demoralized,
she thinks she deserves this abuse. This is not cool!
Emma! Martians took our boy!
Emma?
Emma!
Where the hell are you?
Try again.
Ugh. I can make that shot ten out of ten times.
But everyone is watching.
Oh, that's awful.
Karen needs our support to build back her confidence.
I say we all bet on her to win the turkey shoot.
But she sucks.
Words like "sucks" and "useless" are counter-productive.
- No one said "useless." - Come on, you guys,
you don't have to bet a lot,
just what you can afford to lose, because, well,
we've established she's garbage.
- Well, no one said she's... - Come on, you guys!
She needs this.
Uh... all right.
Come on, go left.
Might need to recalibrate the popsicle stick.
Uh-oh, it's getting too far away.
Okay, you distract him while I try to reach
your purse with this branch.
Then we can use your phone to call for help.
♪ Yoo-hoo... gobble gobble! ♪
Okay, easy. Easy...
- He's trying to answer the phone! - He's just randomly...
Emma? Hello?
Emma! Where the hell are you?
Oscar, help!
Oh, my God, they got you too?
Oscar!
Oh, no!
All your book smarts, and you let us get trapped
by the stupidest creature on Earth.
When are you going to accept this is no accident?
He's doing this on purpose.
I wouldn't be surprised if we end up as human jerky.
Okay, let's see...
I think I'll put a couple hundred bucks down
on Karen to win, even though she is a long shot.
- Not anymore. - What?
A bunch of people placed bets on Karen in the last half hour.
She's actually the odds-on favourite now.
Why the hell would...?
Something's gone horribly wrong. Everyone is betting on you.
- How could this have happened? - Don't know, don't care.
If everyone's betting on me to win,
then everyone's going to win some money.
- Nope, new plan. - Brent's the long shot now,
so I put all my money on him.
You throw the contest, and I make a killing.
Forget it. I have got a point to prove.
No! Throw the match.
That's worse than the scam you were pulling before,
- and more scummy. - Yeah. It's called "scumbling."
Knees, shoes, fire hydrant, knees,
cat's anus, ankles...
Hmm. What is that?
Where's Davis and Karen? Emma's been abducted.
Oh. That probably explains this, then.
Oh, no! What are those monsters doing to her?
And Wanda? That's Wanda's yard.
- I gotta go! - Okie-dokie, then.
Snail, ingrown toenail,
another cat's anus, frog's anus...
Hmm, wow, that does look watertight.
Come on. If you take a dive and tank it,
I'll make sure no one teases you.
- You're the only one that teases me. - I can dial that back.
Not a chance. I am on a mission.
Davis, Karen, follow me,
Emma's been abducted by Martians,
and if you see Brent, arrest him! He's a robot.
You betcha.
- But if you just... - Hang onto my drone controller.
Whatever you do, don't let Hank touch it.
You betcha.
Hey, Brent! You feeling confident?
Like you might get a bullseye?
Ah, it's no use. He made the cage too strong.
You made it!
Kirk! We're saved!
How did you know we were here?
- You called me. - We didn't call you.
- The turkey called you! - The turkey?
Turkey's too stupid to come in out of the rain.
- He can't use a phone. - That's what he wants you to think.
He operates 20 moves ahead, like Kasparov.
Ah, I should've named him Kasparov.
He got us, and he'll take you down too.
You'll never catch him, Kirk.
Thanks for catching him, Kirk.
Kasparov...
I believe I made my point.
And Brent hits just outside the bullseye.
Closest to centre so far.
Next up is Officer Karen Pelly, who...
...remember how bad her shot was last year?
Terrible!
Hex... hex, hex...
He...
Whoopsy.
Karen missed! Brent won!
- I won! - Don't feel bad, Karen.
We all knew you couldn't do it.
I am gonna blast that stupid drone right out of the sky.
Drone? What drone?
- No! - Oh, don't worry, she'll never hit it.
And that's okay. She's good at other things.
I bet she will hit it! I'm giving 2-1.
Ha! That'll be the day!
- I'm rich! - Aw, see, Karen?
Anyone can get lucky, no matter how bad they are.
Dammit! I'm too late!
Emma!
And to a lesser extent... Brent!
I paid 1,000 bucks for that drone.
You know Hank breaks everything. Why did you lend it to him?
- I didn't lend it to him! - Here.
I understand if you want to resign from Drone Club.
Great, we missed the turkey shoot.
- Just as he planned. - Holy hell...
Emma! I thought I'd lost you forever!
Hang on, how do I know you're not a robot puppet pod from Mars?
Stop being an idiot, or I'll boot your ass to Mars.
It's really you!
And that's really gross.
- All right, Davis, hand it over. - This stinks.
What stinks?
I'm making Davis hand all his winnings over to you.
The police have to be held to a higher standard.
Gambling, destroying private property.
But you did both those things!
Dammit! That cost me 50 bucks!
Yeah, well, I'm not the police.
Give me 50 bucks, and hand the rest to Brent.
Well, if it's by order of the mayor...
Cool! Now you can buy another drone.
Why? Drone's no good for anything.
Well, I'm having fun with mine.
- Can I have a turn? - No.
I'm warning you, Kirk. Keep an eye on that turkey.
He's smarter than he looks.
He'd pretty much have to be.
_
Oh, my.
♪ I don't know ♪
♪ The same things you don't know ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
♪ I just... don't know ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ It's a great big place ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ And it's my happy place ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~